May 13, 1989 was along time ago. That was the day we said I DO. They say time fly’s when you are having fun well I dont think they were talking about marriage. It is the hardest job you will ever have, it is a job. I dont know about you but doing someone else’s laundry, cleaning up after them, grocery shopping, cooking, paying their bills all sounds like work from where I come from. After all that said it is the greatest gift of life it is called LOVE. Marriage is hard you need to balance what you want what the other person wants, you need to be flexible always, giving and caring even when you want to just be selfish and cared for. With all this said I would not trade it for anything. It has been a journey with many bumps and obstacles but we are here. We are partners in business and life. We set our own goals and action plans but the end destination is the same. I joke when people say how did you do it I say “He knows how to fold my towels” if you are married or live with a partner you understand it is not about the towels. It is about the other person knowing what I am feeling, what I like, What I need sometimes before I do. Knowing how I like my towels folding so you dont fold them another way because you know that will upset me. I hope you understand this statement. It really goes to the heart of a marriage or a relationship working. You must understand the other persons likes and dislikes and compromise. I find too many people do not like that word Compromise. As much as you may want to win every time what fun would that be you would never experience new adventures with out the other persons input. Taking you down unique and challenging roads. Lets talk for a moment about challenges. You will have them no one gets married and lives happily ever after. You have to be prepared for the arguments. There is actually a correct way to argue/fight. I did not believe it either until we hit a wall in our marriage and my mother suggested counseling. I was hesitant actually reluctant but I now believe if couples went for a least 3 sessions before they got married there would be far less divorce cases. So back to my lesson on how to properly argue.
- Do not talk at the same time
- Never say you make me FEEL. Another person can not make you feel a certain way
- Try not to raise your voice! {I am a New York-er he is an Italian hard, very hard}
- Document the disagreement and the results so you can reference it in the future if need be
- If you are having trouble agreeing try a Pro and Con list
Having someone in your space 24-7 is challenging. You need to find balance. What do you like to do away from one another, what space is yours in the home, what type of food do you like to eat. You need to keep these things intertwined into your life never losing sight of who you are as an individual. Remember it was the individual you feel in love with and vice-a-versa. Over the years it is sometimes the characteristic you feel in love with that may be the ones you wind up disliking the most. Ex: He is very attentive – later in life – He is so clingy. She is so organized – later in life – She has to dominate everything. If you can relate to some of these issues sit down with your partner they may be doing them because they remember in the past you were attracted to that part of their personality. They could be emphasizing these traits even more pushing you away when they think it will bring you closer. Speak up remember down deep we really just want to be happy especially in our own home. Life is challenging enough outside the front doors.
With all this being said I would not change my marriage for anything. Has it been perfect NO but life is not suppose to be perfect what fun would it be if it was. Life is a journey and I along side my husband are creating our path everyday TOGETHER.
Michele Molinaro
I have been a business owner for over 25 years but can say for the first time; “I own my business it doesn’t own me.” I have traded in my Brick and Mortar for a Click and Order. This gives me financial and time freedom. My business is operates 24 hours a day 7 days a week with no employees. I wake up when I am done sleeping and am able to work anywhere in the world there is a WiFi connection.
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